Yes!  I’ve been a bit AWOL.  It’s been a crazy week so this will probably be a long post and I have to breakup the daily activities into three sections.

On Wednesday, I was in dire need of a cocktail and had just planned on having one at home while enjoying a night of Guitar Hero.  Once I disclosed my evening plans to a friend, he quickly rebuffed my excuse for staying in and so we go out.  Although we made a previous stipulation that I could only stay for 3 drinks and I made him promise that we had to adhere to such plans, that didn’t quite work out.  We met up with some of his friends and one of my girlfriends meet up with us at this low key dive with a kick ass jukebox and cider on tap.  After our pleasant conversation on the state of the world today and the NFL’s free agents, the conversation got more interesting after the more drinks were on the table.  One of the guys was getting extra friendly with my girlfriend who then exclaims “Wait a minute, I thought you said earlier tonight something about a girlfriend”, the guy had a look on his face like he just got caught and was posing for his mugshot.  He said, “Well I do but she lives out of state and that doesn’t really count”.  A loud “Ooooooooooooo” hit our table where it was clear that this conversation was about to get good.

Let me give you a bit of the background at our table.  3 boys, mostly alike in dignity, in a dive bar, where we lay our scene.  From where talks of sex and relationships and talks of sex outside of relationships makes their hands unclean.  The boy who sparked this conversation has been in a relationship for three years, the second (my friend), single for the last 2 years but has become less of a serial dater, the third is a total cad.  From head to toe, this boy exudes player and he’s perfectly fine with that.  Then it’s me and my girlfriend where we both have managed to be without a man at the moment but we still manage to keep our frowns turned upside down by a myriad of ways.

So anyways, the conversation turned to how this guy thought that since his girlfriend was in a different state, it wouldn’t be cheating if we wanted to flirt a bit and possibly makeout.  The cad said if he was dating a girl and he made out with someone it would be considered cheating and then my friend thought it would be best to keep mum on this topic.  The cad and the boy with a girlfriend wanted to expand on what they thought about the whole “cheating curve”.  The “boyfriend” said that while he DID have a girlfriend, he doesn’t think that a drunken makeout would count as cheating.  According to him “think of it this way, if I have an itch that’s bothering me, I’m going to scratch it, I’m not going to call my girlfriend to bother with just her scratch”.  So then I ask how do you know when it’s past a makeout.  He said “anything past a makeout is when a condom is pulled out anything before that is a fair ball”.  A collective “ooooooooooo nooooo” came out of the girls’ mouth.  Is this the unique measure that guys are rationalizing with now?  The cad was very comfortable with “Sex is cheating, anything from the missionary point and beyond is cheating, oral is not but making out is because it’s kissing and it’s more intimate”.  I told him that that’s the kissing is more intimate defense is the same one that hookers use.

I’ve been thrown in this topic before.  This guy, who I thought was insatiably cool, had told me that even though he cared very much about his girlfriend, wouldn’t count oral sex as cheating “because something is being done to me and since I’m not doing anything, its not really cheating, but making out is definitely cheating”.  At first I thought, well he couldn’t be serious…could he?  Well he was.  And his coolness dropped several factors in my book.  All because I just thought it was about respect for his partner.  If he respects his partner to give an explanation like that well how would he treat someone else?  Now I have no doubt that the guys that think this are good guys, but they are serious and I just don’t get how this can be considered acceptable in their books.  Maybe when we were younger perhaps I can say that its youth and that their minds haven’t completely developed into grown up status but now, in our mid-late twenties some guys are actually considering this to be acceptable behavior within their relationships.  Now if it’s a mutual thing and both parties agree to the previously mentioned stipulations, then I agree whatever is good for the couple then fine but for him to set these rules for himself is just stupid.

So then back at the bar, where we continue our scene.  It wasn’t a temperamental type of conversation; I was quite ok hearing the rationalization from these guys.  We ended up having a blast and much mayheim at the bar ensued.  The interesting topic of conversation was like I was in grad school getting information on a paper about the “cheating curve”.  It doesn’t make me think “oh my god, I wonder if any of the guys I’ve ever dated thought this”, it just made me realize that no one how attached, an attractive/charming a guy is, there is always something that might be ready to pop out of his pants if duty calls but no kissing of course, meanwhile the guys girlfriend is at home watching “Friends” re-runs and a marathon of “America’s Next Top Model” just waiting for him to call.

Later:  Part II-Continues with a juicy blind item (I promise its coming soon).