DONT FORGET TO UPDATE YOUR LINKS!!!  MY NEW HOME IS TOM BRADY IS MY BABY DADDY

Happy Monday all!!  I have a little extra groove in my stride today.  Could it be the Mets?  Could it be my new body-wash that I can’t stop raving about?  Could it be that I have embraced my singlehood?  I’m sure it’s not due to the lack of sleep that I’ve been receiving (I got just 165 minutes last night) but things are looking up.  I’m working on my trip to back to LA which has been getting my brain jazzed up.  To help defray the nervous nature of this trip I decided to spend some time away from my normal duties as a spinster and headed into suburbia for a lovely time with my friend and her “fiaaaaaaance” this weekend.  I love this couple, I have no doubt that they were each other’s perfect match and I was so glad to go over to normal people land (suburbs). 

As I pulled into their driveway, you could tell from their driveway that they were already married, their 3 cars all parked so perfectly on the driveway.  I pull in with my bottle of Muscato as if I was bringing gifts to the blessed child.  I walk in and go for a tour.  First of all, if getting married meant having their incredible and orgasmic flat screen then I’m in.  They have it all together, their impeccably decorated 2 story house with a backyard big enough to house Bon Jovi’s- Pre-All Star free concert.  What more did these kids need to register for?  Their Barbie dream house was already perfect.  Then it hit me as I walk in their bathroom…monogrammed towels staring at me.  Eeeeek!  She quickly jumps in and calms me down by saying they were a gift from her mom (jumping in with the statement as if I was going to take away her cool card for having them).  I couldn’t have been more ok with it; maybe it was because of the 2 people involved.  They just seem so ready to start their lives together, unlike most couples whom I’ve been forced to attend their weddings and throw down at least $500 each weddings, for all expenses incurred (i.e., for my dress and wedding gifts, etc.).  The tour then continued to their bedroom.  Hanging on their nightstand lights were their respective “Groom to Be” and “Bride to Be” lanyards.  Then the “Groom to Be”, mans the grill outside and cooks steak and chicken and talks about how he loves to grill, while my friend calls him to “grab the big plate from the cabinet” and he does with such ease, makes me think for a minute that I could possibly fall into this All American life. 

Then we head to meet up with the Groom to Be’s parents house to meet his little almost 2 year old niece, who I’ve only seen by the cutest pictures in all the world.  I had brought the baby a couple of little things at Toys R Us (which is another post all together; the single girl with the non-existent knowledge on what is appropriate for babies/kids, while wondering around Toys R Us, it could have been Home Depot for all I knew). I played with who I thought was the cutest little girl ever, who if I could, I would have put her in my designer bag and taken her home with me, repeatedly telling myself that I could enjoy the life in the burbs, find a nice boy, move out there, have a cute baby, blow bubbles, a backyard, a washer and dryer, etc.  Like Cinderella right before midnight, I had to leave to get ready for the night.  I leave the burbs and on my drive back to reality, I think to myself that maybe I was drugged by suburbia to think that’s what I wanted, when in reality, my maternal gene can only come out through the cutest of babies and a house with a washer and dryer. 

That night I get back I get ready and as I apply my Givenchy mascara(I had to say the brand so you check out the faultless packaging/brush for it, much love to my boy Kevin for getting it to me as an early b-day present AND its not even in stores yet)  and as I looked in the mirror a little down for not having that All American life, I smiled and I quickly snapped back into reality and thought “you know what, this IS MY American dream”.  Sure I wish things in my life ran more seamlessly but I do live a life different from those living their version of the dream.  I’m a mover and a shaker at my own dream.  I wish some personal things/health were more aligned with better things but I know I’m on my way.  And while I don’t have someone to grab the big plate for me out of the cabinet, I do have a lovely step stool that I use and while I don’t have a cutie baby girl, I have an incredibly cute dog who brings me joy and he’s totally gangster and while I don’t have a “Bride to Be” lanyard hanging from my lamp, I have a several lanyards from VIP events I’ve attended and have had some of the best times of my life in.  So after much thought I’ve realized that I’m ok with my “singledom” status now and I know that when that status changes it will be a ridiculously amazing guy, so I’m ok with waiting until he comes knocking on my small, yet incredibly luscious one bedroom apartment. 

So after a day filled All American goodness it was off to have a sinful Saturday night.  Off the Mets win high we headed over to Highbar for an incredible night of staring at stars from the rooftop
and drinking way to many Pomme-Tini’s.  The pre-All Star celebrations were on full force and it was another late night for me.  The next day did not bring a hangover (thank god) but it brought out a golf outing (I refuse to say date) at the Chelsea Piers golfing range then we went back and changed to our respective abodes and headed out to a night filled with All Star parties.  First up was the Captain Morgan party at STK (for which I will stay away from for a while for 2 reasons…both of which I previously dated).  Boooooring with the exception of Stacey Kiebler’s new boobs there was not much to see but it was a good enough party to start off a good buzz to.  Then me and my partner in crime headed over to the MLB.com Party at the Roseland Ballroom.  Much fun was to be had, yes, Kenny Maine I’m talking to your “Chester the Molester” perverted ass, wearing acid washed jeans and a matching button up jean shirt, when you have Wade Boggs looking better than you, you have some problems.  Jeter was looking fly (in a Laguna Seca blue Dolce & Gabbana blazer) even Dan Patrick and then there was Joba Chamberlin (who I thought was like a celebrity chef or something), then I was watching a Dunkin Donuts commercial this morning and I figured out who it was (sorry Yankees, I’m a Mets girl) and then there was the HOstess of the evening the trollup Alyssa Milano.  I’m not a girl to hate, you guys know this but she just has this HOish aroma around her and her friends have the same.  As the night moved on, Jeter was literally just blatantly ignoring her because that’s what everyone did.  She’s a trollup and you can tell the MLB.com marketing people were none too pleased.  She’s working on her 14^th minute (like the NY Giants, as we speak).  Then it was a super duper secret fiesta at the Mercer Hotel where I have been sworn to secrecy BUT something that I’ve been not sworn to secrecy is Jeter’s party tonight at Marquee and A-Rod’s party at 40/40, NO PRESS is allowed at either so you know the getting is good.

So my food for thought is that although, still no monogrammed towels, I have the greatest city in the world as my backyard, New York and one day I will get the plate reacher. 

I will be back later with Future Baby Daddy Monday.