DONT FORGET TO UPDATE YOUR LINKS!!!  MY NEW HOME IS TOM BRADY IS MY BABY DADDY

The Dirty Thirty is creeping up on me, let the countdown begin suckas.  Is thirty the new twenty not if you ask Lyfe Jennings but as the 30 creeps up, the last 2 weeks have brought upon lots of reflection me entering a new decade.  While I was trying to cleanse myself of the ghosts of relationships past and getting rid of trinkets of false love and love letters that belonged in the fiction section at a bookstore, I came across some old journals and came across one that I wrote the morning after I turned 21 years old, where I talked about things I wanted before I turned 30.  Here is an excerpt: 

“Wow what a party they had for me last night.  I’m suffering from an awful hangover, I shouldn’t have mixed the Malibu and Goldschlagger but it was my birthday.  After dinner with Gian we headed over to Angels for a little pre-partying before heading out but little did I know there was a surprise party waiting for me!!!  It was definitely one of the best times of my life and the cops managed to come over there 2 times before officially breaking it up for the rest of the night.  21 years old?!?  Wow, the last couple of years have gone by so fast and I’m having such a good time, I just want to hold on to them.  I know that I am a few hours into my 21^st birthday but I can’t help but think of my next milestone birthday and I guess that would be my 30^th.  It does seem like a world away but I wonder what my life will be like then.  I’m hoping that I would be graduated from law school working as a sports agent and starting my own management firm in Miami.  I’m hoping to be married to Gian with at least one kid, living in the suburbs with all those “Americana” staples, a dog, white picket fence, SUV, PTA the whole nine yards.  I figure nine years gives me enough time to make all of this happen.  I know its unrealistic to think that me and Gian will still be together, but I believe in our love and I believe that that love will last forever”. 

Ugh there are so many wrong things with that excerpt, Malibu?! Goldschlagger?! Miami?! Gian?! Oh hell to the no.  Oh youth…Well let me break it down for you guys.  I haven’t graduated from law school, I’m not a sports agent, nor do I have a firm in Miami, Gian and I haven’t spoken since Jesus was a boy, no kids, living in the suburbs is the last thing that I want to do and so is everything else that followed.  I really can’t complain though.  Had I stayed in Florida, my life would have worked out in a pre-destined order.  After college settled into a career, then become a Stepford wife and would be buying books like Rachel Ray’s 30 Minute Meals and organizing playdates via email.  Since moving to New York I know very few people like that.  I wanted a change, a big one, which is why after a horrible breakup, I walked away from everything I knew as a comfort and moved one thousand miles away and got more than I ever dreamed of.  While things could be better in my life, I guess I got it pretty good and I refuse to keep complaining about things that are out of my control.  I may not be married but I’m committed on finding someone who is worth it, I don’t have kids but I have a dog who acts like a rebellious teenager, every time I try to get him to come inside.  I have friends that love me and my family is beyond crazy but recently have come together to make things a bit easier on me.  I feel and pray that if I keep pushing in this life that it will all be worth it one day and I can sit back and admire what I’ve done for myself, my family and my close friends who have been irreplaceable in my life and who have always kept me going no matter how many times I wanted to stop. 

So 30….well I remember the girl I was at 21.  I was still struggling to be comfortable with myself and my sexuality.  Maybe it was the catholic guilt (I waved bye-bye to that feeling years ago) but I just didn’t know how to deal with something feeling so good.  As long suffering Catholics we are raised to think that those feelings are bad (and not in naughty way).  I think about how all I wanted to do was to please the guy and that compromises had to be made.  Now at 29 years old, Ha…I’m soooo not that girl.  I think that if I would have stayed on that path with that person I was in love with, that it was as good as it was going to get.  That in fact dealing with that breakup and moving on to other boys, gave me the experience to find out what I enjoyed and the true meaning of pleasure. Oooo suki, suki now.  Don’t take this the wrong way you guys but it’s true.  I’m not a trollup or anything but that security that comes with growing as a woman is priceless and it takes ending something that was so familiar to get in touch with things that you didn’t know you liked.

So in preparations of turning 30 I have decided to implement some resolutions:  Indentify life goals with a clearer conscious from an adult view, finding more productive ways to brush off my mother’s passive aggressive ways, start investing, make my health a priority, commit to a charity for breast cancer, cut the cord on something I’ve been calling “invisible relationships”.  It’s a small list to start but I’m positive that I can make something happen.  Oh yea, as another year passes and I have not had the fun to “register” for anything, I want to implement a single girls registry.  Come on now, I have done a calculation for the money I have spent so far this year, on other people’s choices: Weddings, engagements, baby showers, in total I have spent over $3,000 so far this year.  So for those that are wondering what I’m in need of this 30^th birthday, a new Xbox, a pair of fabulous black sunglasses, a luxury handbag, a gift certificate to Starbucks, Mark Ronson naked on my bed, let me stop.  You guys get the idea.