DONT FORGET TO UPDATE YOUR LINKS!!!  MY NEW HOME IS TOM BRADY IS MY BABY DADDY

“So why don’t you have a boyfriend?”  A weekend or so ago, I noticed that being surrounded by people who have a significant others, I was asked this question close to 10 times, then when at a wedding I was asked that question tenfold.  I usually respond with my template answers of “After the death of JFK Jr. it’s been difficult to find the right chap” or “I’m giving Tom right now the time to spend with his son and his bootleg girlfriend is in need of a green card and he’s just helping her out”.  By the end of the wedding (and by the end of my 8^th glass of champagne), I was asked this question by the one of the groomsmen who I’m sure was expecting a flirtatious response but he didn’t bank on what I had in store.  After I told him no, he then asked if I was seeing someone.  Then I ripped into it, “No but I am talking to someone but that person is emotionally unavailable to me, so most of the best parts of our relationship take place over text messages and email”.  He starts laughing and then he tells me to elaborate on it and describe the men involved in these invisible relationships of mine.  I proceed to tell him my thoughts on what I call “invisible relationships” and my plan to rid my life of such things before I turn 30.  I tell him that I define this term by any relationship where the majority of the you spend together is through email, text messaging, blackberry messaging and IM, no matter if the person lives uptown and you’re downtown or he lives out in California.  So when you really break it down you techni-cate (communicate by technology means) at least 1 hour per day and then you see them once every two weeks for about 3 hour date, you spend more time working your tips on your blackberry curve then you do on each other.  Is this what our hectic schedules have led us to?  Has the way we techni-cate replaced those long phone calls we used to have or staying up late at a coffee shop talking to someone?  Probably. 

Most men now (or maybe it’s just the men I’ve been dealing with), are so great at these techni-cate means, that they feel that it’s replaced the need for a phone call etc.  Also they have the courage to really put stuff out there on a touchy-feely email or text and then when we actually expect you guys to live up to those texts and you don’t, you want to make us feel like a jackass?  And then make it seem like we were pressuring you to do so.  Listen buddy you put it out there.  You didn’t have to text all that stuff about how we make you feel and then feel scared to live up to it.  Really you’re scared?   Scared of what?  Actually making yourself accountable for your feelings, come on guys.  I know you’re Mr. Man when it comes to your everyday life.  In complete control over whatever empire it is you’re running.  Why do you guys feel it’s bad when you show your vulnerable side? 

Sound familiar ladies?  Have I finally nailed the term you were looking for?   Now “invisible relationships” can’t be all bad.  A couple of pros may consist of the following.  You know when you are out with your crew and he’s out with his and there is the possibility of you guys meeting up later.  After the drinks start flowing and then your fingers start texting things that only the courage of liquor can do.  It can act as a modern way of foreplay that can last an entire night leading up to when you guys meet up, then when you see them you can’t help but jump them and suck on their neck.  It’s on like Donkey Kong.  Another pro could be that it also seems that these “invisible relationships” can be more convenient emotionally and can keep future suitors at a safe distance. I can’t help but also think that since we are not technically “seeing each other” and we’re just maintaining this technologically enhanced relationship that since we’re not technically seeing each other than we can’t break up.  So perhaps it’s a proactive way of achieving a slight taste of a relationship attachment without the perils of a breakup. 

So even if they show their availability through their blackberry messenger, text, sidekick, email or AIM, clearly with all of these it still won’t clear the fact that they are emotionally unavailable. “Sorry for not returning your call but I do want to see you.  Text me back so we can figure something out."  Oh please dude, get over yourself, you can call me to figure something out.  My best guy friend chimed in with the fact that he just sucks at communication that is not electronic based to which I responded with the first thing that came to my mind and it mirrors my final thoughts on this whole invisible relationships thing: “Ayo, I'm tired of using technology, Why don't you sit down on top of me? Ayo, I'm tired of using technology I need you right in front of me."