Famous last words right?  How many times have you heard this from your friends as a way of kissing off  an ex or former baby daddy.  The cell phone, blackberry, sidekick, etc. hold more than just your address book, emails or your Brick Breaker high score.  They hold emails from when he was sweet and made you smile.  They hold texts from when he tells you that he misses you even though you just left or those scandalous ones where he tells you just how much you turn him on.  I’ve become so attached to that “New Message” beep that I’ve started to hear it even though I have no message.  And not long ago my doorbell rang, I looked down at my blackberry first before realizing it was the door.  No, I was not stoned. 

So when things go south with a baby daddy (and not in a good way) one of the first things I do is try to delete all those messages (I’ll keep some) while “Against All Odds” by Phil Collins plays in the background.  Then a few steps after that is actually deleting the phone number.  I figured that’s a good way of exorcising whatever is left of feeling for this person and even in a tough drunk dialing moment they cannot be reached, “And you coming back to me, is against all odds and that’s the chance I’ve got to take”.  I wish I could tell you that this is fool proof.  I soon learned it was not and had to think of a more effective means to deal with it.  So I figure when I delete someone, they are really being deleted……or so I thought. 

I remember deleting this former baby daddy, as hard as it was but I did.  Deleted him from BBM (Blackberry Messenger) and you know that’s business because they can tell you deleted them and then from the phone.  So I received a call from a familiar area code but it wasn’t saved on my phone, my short term memory is gone so I couldn’t recall if I knew this number so I didn’t think twice and answered and they said “Well hello there stranger”, I knew exactly who it was.  After picking my jaw of the floor I quickly recovered with a “Who is this?” he replied with some statement about how could I have forgotten etc.  Had I not deleted his number, I definitely would not have answered, granted I probably would have drunk texted him before that or still would have been caught up in an invisible relationship.  Damn it.  After being subjected to an awkward conversation and having it ruin my buzz, there was something I had to do about it.  I couldn’t get caught up in that mess again.  Then of course God must have been drunk that day, because he pulled the same thing on me.  I knew the area code but not the number, I hunkered down and picked up the phone, for I was not going to be a prisoner to my phone and it was another baby daddy whom I deleted close to 8 months ago.  I had to go through the same forced “catching up” conversation.  I would have rather be in a room with birds and chickens.  For those that know me know I hate anything with webbed features.  That’s how much I hated it. 

I vowed to never have that happen to me again, so then I went back to my cell.  Took the first number from the guy who called went to the save then edit function and went to the name and typed in “DON’T ANSWER-ASSHOLE” then I went to the next one and put his ass on notice “DON’T ANSWER- PRICK”.  Ha.  Sure both terms mean the same to most people but I know the true reasons why each deserves the pseudonym.  The “DON’T ANSWER” is a reminder of what should be done, should such “ASSHOLE” or “PRICK” calls, I simply DON’T ANSWER and should I should to answer then I should already know who I’m dealing with.  Now this is what I call fool proof.  I don’t know what I’m going to do when “DON’T ANSWER-EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE WORKAHOLIC” comes in or “DON’T ANSWER-COULD QUITE POSSIBLY BE IN THE CLOSET” happens because clearly I don’t have that many spaces are available for that to type in.  Then time passes and “ring-ring” on my phone and what do you know “DON’T ANSWER-ASSHOLE” flashes on my phone and I give off a sly grin and I hit the ignore button and start laughing. 

Tomorrow Later Today:  My Future Baby Daddy Monday “James Franco”.  Yes, watching “Pineapple Express” gives him the title.  I’m not sure which is my favorite line from the movie is: "It’s time to suck the days dick", said as a declaration to being the day or this one is said when a police officer is referring to young kids that are so stoned “Eyes as red as the devils dick”, HIGHlarious for sure.